Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
