My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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