I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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