even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.