Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT