??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want her autograph on my taint
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
