I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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