Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
