I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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