I just threw up on my dentist
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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