I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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