I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so let's talk penis.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Your cock deserves a montage
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Panties = found
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
