That's intense
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
