I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
