Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
