shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
