Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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