i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
