i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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