I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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