and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
