I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize