my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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