from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
porn star boner night. come get it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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