My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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