hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
