The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
