apparently the secret to your success is patron
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize