SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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