there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
