Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Your cock deserves a montage
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
