its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
