WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
