Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
