i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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