ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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