The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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