Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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