I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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