"it" just moved
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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