I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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