You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
