my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
