i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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