I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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