And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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