There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
