...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I die, sorry about rent.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
