So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
