Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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