Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
