I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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