We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
