i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
