You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
