thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
