I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
