dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
a search helicopter?!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
