LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
