I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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