My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize