theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
