he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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