if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
